Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
