I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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