New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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