i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Who died my cat blue again?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
