I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
