Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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