Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
