I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
