Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
