i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Randomize
