I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
