i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
