Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize
