All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
