I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
