Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
then he tried to convert me to islam
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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