He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
