I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
