i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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