I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
