I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize