I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
