I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
