I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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