She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
