Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
