I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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