You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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