That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
