Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
