Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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