I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
He told me they were just razor bumps!
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
