I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
