the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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