You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
