So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
