i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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