Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
