I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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