it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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