your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
