This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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