no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
