By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
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