Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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