dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
