ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
