Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
