Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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