if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
