I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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