i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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