So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
