It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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