your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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