last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
