you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
