So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sorry about my life...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
