My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
