weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
