Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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