The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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