no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
